Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Mike Wants Revenge


Maybe you 2 or 3 people who read my blog once a month or so can help me with this.

I have this roommate who is a complete asshole. He insists on playing his music at ALL the wrong times, and it wouldn't be so bad if:

A) It were decent music, but no - it's gotta be 12-minute-minimum Techno tracks on "repeat" with unbelievably repetitive hooks, no personality, and from where I'm listening, only a bumping bass sound like this: "Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud Thud" .... and so on.

B) He wore headphones - but he refuses.

C) I could do anything about it! I've complained to him on multiples of occasions only to get doors slammed in my face or yelled back at and called "a whiney bitch" (because he's a white boy who thinks he's from "da streets", ya know. I almost knocked his teeth out).

D) The Landlords, whom I've had to bring into this on several occasions, would actually enforce the rules of the contract that both the homeboy and myself signed upon residential ingress, stating, "No one shall disturb the peaceful enjoyment of the house" (or something to that affect), of which I declare that HE is in direct violation. But, no. They just basically said, "Eh - what're you gonna do? If you don't like it, you should probably just move out."

But I can't move out. I have very little money, I can't find any place that's very much better anywhere near my job up here in North County, I can't afford a rental truck and I'm sick of bugging people to help me move - which I've had to do twice in the past 9 months.

So I just want to get back at this Grade-A bastard for being such a disruptive prick. He slams doors, stomps everywhere, shouts whenever he talks, bangs pots and pans in the kitchen like he owns the damned place... he must be half deaf or something - every other word out of his mouth is "Wha?".

I hate him so much.

I need a clever way to get back at him without getting myself in any trouble that would cause me to be kicked out of the house. I need to find a way to end his freedom to do whatever the fuck he wants and get some silence in the house, as opposed to him being allowed to make that noise ALL GOD DAMNED NIGHT - LITERALLY!

I'm sick of yelling at him and getting my blood all boiled, and having to resign to wearing ear plugs most hours of the day. I want it to end and I have no idea where the house's fuse box could be, so that's out. (Besides, he could fix that too easily.) I can't resort to any forced entry or vandalism, as that would most likely lead to be being booted out. I don't want to just blast my own music back at him because, as I've tried it before, that doesn't really get the point across to this moron.

Please! Help me think of a way to drive him insane!!!!!!

Thanks

3 comments:

Schwartzilla said...

Dude, you're only way out of this situation is to team up with Triafia Inc. and help us make our first porn flick. Once your stardom has been cemented as a amature porn directing genius you'll be able to move to a nice gated apartment in the San Fernando Valley, put that Woody Award on your fireplace mantle and crank Aerosmith and Van Halen to your hearts content.

Schwartzilla said...

Pardon the bad grammer, I too am angry today after dealing with way too many whiney inmates at the courthouse. When my blood pressure is squirting I tend to type like a eight year old.

Mike said...

You mean "AN" eight-year old.