Mars sucks.

Hey Mars!  It's me, Mike.  How ya been?

I heard you have ice now!  That's what the news is saying here on Earth, anyway.  Congrats.

I hate to be a jerk, but... ya know what, Mars?  I actually have a box in my kitchen that MAKES ice! All day long!  In fact, it has a compartment where that's the ONLY thing it does! And the ice stays there obediently until I decide to use it to cool my favorite beverage of the moment - whatever it may be.

 

Ya know what else I have, Mars?  TREES!  Right in my back yard!  Like, FOUR of 'em!  Oxygen rules!

You suck, Mars.  Back o' the line!

Love,

Mike