Thursday, October 30, 2008

Are HUSSEIN enough to Vote?

Ya know, I was supporting Obama in this Election Season, but... recently I saw a video that made me COMPLETELY change my mind!

Did you KNOW that his middle name is HUSSEIN!?!?! HOLY CRAP! Just like that Iraq guy! Remember?!? And she's right! We ARE at war with those people! And, hold the phone! Did she say he's an AY-RAB? I didn't know that! Why isn't the news reporting this!?!?! It's a good thing this woman had the guts to reveal the truth!

And it makes me realize the importance of voting based on a name. You know, you can tell a lot about a person by their name! For example, I used to think that Barack Obama was a Christian African-American Senator from Chicago. But now I realize that he's actually Barack HUSSEIN Obama: Muslim terrorist socialist liberal elite! And now I'm SCARED TO DEATH!

And for another instance, we definitely should never have voted for that George W. Bush guy, because - did you know that there used to be this big evil king over in England named King George? He was as tall as a dinosaur and he would eat children and tax his people like a socialist!
That's why Christopher Columbus left there and founded America. Then he and his wife gave birth to George Washington and appointed him President! (They had to appoint him, cause no one wanted to vote for a George back then, either!)

Now, the reason John Kerry lost back in 2004 is because his middle name is "Forbes" - no kidding! Forbes! - and everybody knows what that means! He's as rich as the day is long! And there's no way that anybody who knows how to earn money, run a campaign, and married the woman whose dad invented Katchup would ever understand how to run a country!

But wait! That means we can't vote for McCain either, because - according to Wikipedia, (where more Americans get their news...) - "
McCain Foods Limited, a privately owned company established in 1957 by the brothers Harrison and Wallace McCain in Florenceville, New Brunswick, Canada, is the largest producer of french fries and other oven-ready frozen food products in the world." And we can't have a greasy, salty French Fry man as the leader of the free world! HE'S FRENCH... AND CANDIAN! I know it also says, "It is not connected with the American presidential candidate John McCain," but I've also been told by the LIBERAL ELITE MEDIA that Barack HUSSEIN Obama isn't really a socialist or a Muslim. But we all know which sounds more entertaining! (Thus: true!)

But that's okay, because he's chosen Sarah Palin as his running mate - and everyone knows that "The Hebrew word sarah indicates a woman of high rank and is sometimes translated as 'princess' or goddess, or 'high holy one'." And, although I - as the average American - am terrified of those Hebrews - I have to think that Jesus would have backed that one up.

And, speaking of names and that guy Jesus - if he was a Jew in the Middle East, why the Spanish name? But I digress.

Anyway, in closing, I'm just saying that Shakespeare was full of crap. The Simpsons discussed this issue in a family meeting once:

Lisa: [A person's] name doesn't matter. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
Bart: Not if you called them "stench blossoms".
Homer: Or "crapweeds".
Marge: I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Homer: Not if they were called "scumdrops".

Brain Leak: Out!


E said...

That chick was hot.

Russ C. said...

Well, what did you think the "H" stands for in Jesus H. Christ? That's right, Hussein! I bet Fox News wont tell you that, either... I suppose "Merry Husseinmas" doesn't have the same ring to it, huh?

Your favorite cousin from Oakland said...

Someone should high-five her face with a fist.